Okay, so now you’re thrust out into the dating scene once more. A tad battered, a bit bruised with a few more wrinkles (and maybe a few more inches around the waistline) since you did it BC (before children). Fear not, it’s not impossible. You just need to get the right attitude.
The most common question 95% of my Single Parent clients ask me after being “out there” for a while is “What am I doing wrong – I can’t seem to get past the first one or two dates. What’s wrong with me?” The answer is simple. There is nothing wrong with you. Why you don’t get a second date or maybe it fizzles after 4 or 5 has a lot to do with attitude. Yours.
So, let’s have a look at some of the reasons why this happens.
Physical Attraction:
This one you can’t do anything about. You either appeal to someone or you don’t. Taking it personally though, is soul destroying and futile. There are very few people out there that are stunningly attractive and most of them are airbrushed anyway. In other words, perfection only exists in photo-shopped magazines This is great news for you because in reality it means that everyone’s opinion of good looking or stunningly attractive is different. You might think that you are no oil painting – but to someone else you could be their masterpiece! So, have a little faith and keep looking.
Conversation:
The Kids
This one is a real killer for a second date so, please take this seriously. If you talk about your children – It’s boring. We all love our children to death however – you are out on a date with another adult that you don’t know. If you can’t find things to talk about except for them, then you need to look at starting to become an Adult again and living in a grown-ups world. Your children should not be the sole focus of your existence.
The other reason why you should never, never speak about your children, is for their safety. I’m deadly serious about this. You have no idea what this person is all about. Male or Female doesn’t matter – keep your children safe by keeping them anonymous until you have the chance to really suss this person out – and that takes a lot more dates than the first one.
My “EX”
You might get away with boring them to the back teeth speaking incessantly about your children on a first date. However, this conversation is first date suicide. Unless you have a very amicable relationship with your ex-partner (unfortunately the majority don’t) then this conversation brings in the emotion of hurt and anger – even if you don’t mean it too. You are on a date with a new person and that means the potential of a new beginning for you. Leave that conversation for much later in the dating game. You don’t want your date to think that you are a ticking emotional basket case or a relationship hater. Not a good way to start anything that is new.
My Career
Okay, I’m as passionate about what I do professionally as any possessed person out there. However, if all you talk about is your work – then you leave your date with the impression that it will always come before anything else. Or, that you have nothing else in your life to talk about. This will be really challenging for them, if they keep dating you. And quite frankly it means that you could possibly be lacking in the listening department because your whole life is work – that makes it all about you and potentially very little about someone else. Just something to think about.
Ice-Breakers
Ask them what they do for a hobby? Seriously, this is a fabulous way to get someone relaxed (after the initial shock of asking the question). It reveals an enormous amount about them. If they say they don’t have one, ask them what kind of hobby they had as a kid? If you encourage the conversation to allow them to get over any embarrassment – watch their eyes light up as they tell you all about it. You maybe very surprised at what you have in common and this conversation usually leads to some laughs and giggles. Try it!
Keep it light and enjoy meeting someone new. They may not be the love of your life, however, if you are open to it – it could be the beginning of a great friendship – you just never know.
What are your conversation “Ice-breakers” Please feel free to share them. I would love to hear them!
Smiles to you,
Yvonne Rice
www.yvonnerice.com
Millions of successful singles world-wide are trading love for money. They make every excuse in the world for not investing in their love lives. From the most common, “I don’t have time” to“When my business grows”. The funniest, “Oh, he’ll just show up”. Yeah, like FedEx is going to ship him directly to her home office
